Getting Started

1 May 2009 1,278 views No Comment

So today is the first anniversary of my engagement. What a year this has been! When my fiance first proposed to me, I actually started crying because I was so scared and didnt know what to expect. Now a year on, I’m nagging him about honeymoons and wedding details. I love my fiance more and more every day and this wedding planning journey has also brought us closer to each other. We were at our wedding dance classes last week and someone said to him “A man will learn to dance only for the woman he loves”….

If you have recently become engaged, CONGRATULATIONS. No matter how cliche this sounds, it really is an exciting time of your life. Personally, I would advise on a short engagement of a year or so. My fiance and I know couples who have been engaged seven years, it makes me think something is wrong and that is why they havent set a date. Also, a short engagement is ideal for me because I would be so frustrated looking forward to the dates. Any longer and I’ll also get confused with all the details and choices around.

I’ve found that the determining factor in your wedding date will be your venue. I’ve heard horror stories where weddings were pushed back two or three years because the venue has been booked out. We were very lucky that our venue was available for our day and exactly a year after our legal wedding ceremony too. Take a calender and look at all the weekends, noting the bank holiday weekends when most people might be away.

If I had a chance to write a letter to myself and send it back in time, I would write this to myself:

1. Be prepared for choices, choices, choices. Everyone who is anyone will butt in and give you their advice and comments. Be prepared for criticism (constructive and otherwise) from those near and dear. I remember when my cousin didnt like my wedding invitation, I was a bit upset, but then all the guests loved it. So remember you cant please everyone. The wedding is about you and your fiance so as long as you two are happy and healthy, thats all that matters. It is a celebration of your LOVE. Every wedding is special and different and you should make it reflect your style.

2. Dont let anyone make you feel guilty or bad about not inviting them to your wedding or including them in your bridal party. I know many couples are torn between friends when they have to make the guest list. Have a Guest List A and Guest List B. Allow for 10% of all your guests not to attend. This percentage can be even more if you have guests overseas. For our wedding, when we first made a list, we had about 140 people, we cut it down to 100, only 80 were able to attend and then we decided to have a B list of 20 more people who could attend.

3. On the topic of guest lists and contingency plans, remember that even on your wedding day, a few people may not attend due to illnesses, accidents etc. So you can give your caterer a figure of 5 less than you are expecting. The contingency plan also applies for wedding budgets. Spreadsheets are good to keep track of how much an average person spend, how much you’d like to spend and how much you actually do spend. If we go overboard on all aspects of our wedding, I am expecting to pay 50% more than we budgetted for. If I keep to the plan, I pay 10% more than I plan for. Also, girl dont get insulted with guys express shock at how much your dress, make up session, flowers cost. A friend of mine laughed her head off when her husband suggested she buy a dress for £200.

4. A lot of things are more expensive once the service you are booking hears the magic words ‘WEDDING” So if possible, avoid using the word wedding. I’ve seen a bonquet of flowers suddenly hike up 100% because I said they were for my legal wedding ceremony. Even for my wedding alterations, one celebrity wedding alterations service charged me £90 to shorten my hems. The charge at my local tailoring service? £15. I dont care if Elle McPerson uses that exact alterations place or not, look for good value in (almost) everything you buy. But remember you can afford yourself a few splurges!

5. Read as much as you can and look at wedding forums and blogs. For example, I’ve been looking for chair covers and sashes. My friend said he paid £600 for 75 chair covers. My first quote was £6 per chair cover and sashes. I looked on a wedding forum on wedding bargains and found a place that does them both for 99 p. Also, just as you gain from other people’s knowledge, be happy to share your own. Its good karma and called networking when you can help someone else.