Bridesmaids Roles and Traditions
I will never forget the moment my best friend Linda called to say that her fiance, Brian, asked her to marry him and then she teased me by pausing before she asked me to be her bridesmaids. I frantically wondered what duties this momentous role required, particularly since this is the first time I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaids as my friends are just about starting to get married at this age.
Researching the traditions of bridesmaids, I found some interesting facts. A bridesmaids is typically a close friend or sister. Traditionally, they were chosen as young women of marriageable age and a large bridal party suggested a family’s social status and wealth (in modern times, more reflective of a bride’s social network!).
Linda has asked two other friends to be bridesmaids, her sister, and me. She explained that her sister would be her chief bridesmaid as she is family and that I would be chief bridesmaid as a best friend (Not sure who will be making the speech, if any?). Traditionally, the principle bridesmaid is called a chief bridesmaid or maid of honour if unmarried. If married, she is called matron of honour (urgh starting to sound like a headmistress). a Junior bridesmaids is traditionally a girl too young to be of marriageble age… which I assume translates into modern day flower girls.
The concept of a bridesmaid have been said to be linked to Biblical times when Jacob’s two wives, Leah and Rachel each had their own maids – then called handmaidens. I laugh at the reference to ‘maid’ in bridesmaid and my mum literally translating bridesmaid as ‘your servants’ in my native language once.
In British culture and for my own wedding, I selected my two sisters in law and my best friend Linda as bridesmaids. I bought their bridesmaid’s dresses. However, my sister in law said that her friend made her pay for alterations as well which amounted to £200. I think out of courtesy and particularly if you’ve asked a close friend to be your bridesmaids, you should pay for their alterations as well. Apparently, in American culture, the bridesmaids buy their own dresses and they buy a dress the bride selects. Many bridesmaids opt for the seven-dress-in-one dress where one dress has seven different ways to wrap it up – a novel solution that works for all the bridesmaids buying the same dress and still look different. However, be warned, the dress cost $270 and Victoria Secret and other specialist stores sell them. To search for options, type in ‘seven ways dress’.
Both American and European bridesmaids organise the bachelorette/hen do for the bride and her friends. However, American bridesmaids pay for the luncheon for all the guests where as the British bridesmaids organise the event and then take a contribution from the guests. American bridesmaids may even throw a bridal shower, about a month before the wedding for the bride.
Interestingly, in Roman times, the law required ten witnesses to witness a wedding to outsmart evil spirits by dressing in identical clothing to the bride and groom, thus outsmarting the evil spirits who would be left guessing. The logic no longer applies in modern times where anyone wearing white at a wedding is considered rude or seeking attention to themselves! Yup, thats the most important task for a bridesmaid – please dont try to outshine the bride but I presume this will be difficult as she will be no doubt beaming from head to toe!
PS – anything to add, please email me at: admin@fiance2wife.com
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